(a) Have live-in housekeepers who continuously scurry behind them, picking up their mess and cleaning up waste, and maybe even wiping their butts for them. (I do know people like this probably exist, although I do not personally know any of them.)
(b) Are so incredibly egocentric that they literally DO think the world revolves around them and their whims, desires, and preferences--AND that the business who is gracious enough to even PROVIDE a restroom (which is not required of them unless they are an eating establishment) somehow 'owes' it to them to clean up after them--because, after all 'that's their job'.
(c) Actually believe that they are somehow 'creating jobs' (I am not making this up, I have actually HEARD someone verbalize this) by creating messes for someone to clean up.
(d) Live in similar conditions to those you see on the TV show "Hoarders--so anything clean makes them quite uncomfortable and feel not at all 'at home', so that the thought of being neat (as a courtesy to the next person who uses that restroom) would never even occur to them.
(e) Are somehow convinced that some skulking, mutant strain of GERMS is waiting to wildly leap upon them and transmit some rare and dreadful disease that no one has even heard of, much less that science has a treatment and/or cure for. And God forbid they should take a chance and (shudder) TOUCH THE TOILET SEAT--even with their butt, which, contrary to their opinion, is likely just as germy as the next shoppers butt--even if they DID have a shower this morning (because, chances are, so did 70-90% of the other people using that restroom--providing you are in the USA).
OR......they
(f) Are simply complete animals (although I love my animals, and I really think THEY would do better than that) who care nothing for themselves or anyone else--and therefore should avoid public places altogether, as being in the public with those you care nothing about will probably simply frustrate you more and feed your dark tendencies.
Okay! Having said all that, lets try to sort out some facts, and address these people! (not you, of course, I know it irritates the daylights out of you just like it does me, right?). So here goes:
MY OPEN MANIFESTO TO PUBLIC RESTROOM SLOBS (a-f)
(a) Even if you DO have live-in (or take-out) 'help' at home, unless you bring them WITH you, DON'T ASSUME SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO PICK UP THE SLACK. I did not take you to raise--and neither did the other people out and about who just happen to have to 'go' while they are in an establishment. If your Mama didn't teach you any better, then shame on her, and if she DID and you just don't DO better, then shame on you. Of course, there is a possibility that someone of your means may have been raised by the 'help', but surely someone at one time or another hinted to you the profound truth that everyone needs to learn to get on in life: (1) there is a God, and (2) You are not Him. Oh, and before you go into the next public restroom please Google the phrase "GOLDEN RULE". You like gold, don't you? Sure you do! Your bathroom faucets are probably made of it, right? So may I suggest that this is the rarest and finest gold you will ever hope to 'wear'--it is called reciprocity, (Oh, I'm sorry, perhaps your nanny didn't teach you that word...but there is a handy dictionary online you can use) and it is sported by the world's classiest people...so you need to get with it and get yourself some. You will be better off for it, and the world will be a better place for it. And, as an added benefit, should your billions ever happen to get 'Madoffed' and you find yourself having to live down here in the (shudder) middle class with the rest of us, why, you'll be off to a good start! Now if that isn't a win-win, I don't know what is!
(b) Let's pretend. You are having a party in your home and you invite a bunch of people just like you. After the party you go into your downstairs bathroom and are stunned to see bright red lipstick smeared all over those adorable little guest towels you bought especially for this occasion! You are horrified to see that toilet is not only clogged with gobs of toilet paper, but on top of the clog someone has had themselves a big poop--then obviously tried to flush it all down--unsuccessfully. As a result, there is filthy water standing on the floor, and pee smeared all over the once pristine toilet seat. Tons of toilet paper is stuck to the floor around the toilet--and the extra rolls you so thoughtfully put in the rack beside the toilet have (thankfully) soaked up a lot of the sewer water on the floor. Now, in a state of shock, you notice that the hot water is steadily running, and that neat little soap dispenser you were so tickled to find at Marshalls has been knocked off the counter, and is now lying on it's side on the pee-soaked toilet paper.
Okay, now. Be completely honest. Would you simply sigh softly with resignation and say sweetly 'Oh, well, this is my house so this is 'my job' to do it'....and then calmly don a bio hazard suit and start the disgusting cleanup? OR, would you feel such a sense of outrage, that fury rises in your throat like bile and you just feel like you want to go 'postal' on somebody? Really, now, would your first words be "My, my, they were a little messy tonight" or would they be more like "IF I COULD GET MY HANDS AROUND THEIR HAUGHTY LITTLE THROATS, I'D_(fill in the blank)--HOW DARE THEY DO THIS TO ME!!!!
Ummmm Hmmm, I suspect it would be the second response, right? Well, sister, then how about you realizing that that is the way YOUR slovenly, disgusting behavior affects those of US who come into public rest rooms after YOU, so STOP IT. It is NOT 'all about you'. It's not even a little about you. It is about US. And we, in this great country, are BLESSED to have neat and clean restrooms provided for us WITHOUT CHARGE in most places. So grow up, be grateful and act like it. Enough said.
(c) Are you serious? Really? You think you are 'creating' a job? Have you ever worked out in the public? You aren't creating a job, ignoramus, you are ADDING to the overload of someone who is probably already overworked and underpaid. Have you no concept that the person you put this extra burden on could be YOUR mother, YOUR father, YOUR son, or YOUR daughter? Why don't you consider that for just a moment? Not to mention, guess what? ALL EXTRA COSTS SUCH AS THIS ARE PASSED ON TO THE CONSUMER. Translation: I am having to help pay for your sorryness--and I don't appreciate it. I may be wrong, but I suspect the rest of the people who try to conduct themselves more in line with their age instead of their shoe size feel the same way! I think this is probably one of the biggest cop outs I've ever heard for being sorry and lazy. I'm still shaking my head over this one.
(d) What can I say? You are obviously okay living in conditions that make people vomit, literally. I, like most people, view this with a mixture of sympathy and horror and loathing. We collectively wonder in horror if it is even remotely possible that we could ever become that way--and in response, many of us go clean out the closets and the basement and throw out everything--even stuff we really need or want. I guess we can't expect much, but at least could you wait until you get home? I know smells like that don't bother you, but it really, really bothers me. I loathe the strong smell of urine and I do not want to smell nor see your poop. That's what flushable toilets are for. Use the handle. Often. I don't want to exit the restroom with toilet paper stuck to the bottoms of my shoes, and I find it very hard to hold my breath for the entire 3-5 min. it takes me to pee, flush, and wash my hands. So, just don't go there. Literally.
(e) First, let me ask you germaphobes a simple, direct question: HAVE YOU, PERSONALLY, EVER KNOWN ANYBODY WHO CONTRACTED ANY INFECTION, DISEASE, OR DISORDER FROM A PUBLIC RESTROOM??? I can guarantee you the answer is a (somewhat disappointed, no doubt) NO! Now, let me strongly advise you to read the following article on WebMD. Now. It will only take you a few minutes--even if you only have reasonable reading skills and comprehension. First, go to the top of the browser on the screen you are staring at, and click on the little (+) to open a new tab. Copy this link below by holding down your left mouse button and sliding the cursor over the link address below to highlight it, then right click your mouse and choose 'copy'. Now, click on your new tab (the thing you created when you clicked on the (+) at the top of the browser. Highlight the current 'http' address in the address bar at the top left, right click your mouse and choose 'paste'. Hit enter. Read the WebMD article about what you can catch in restrooms. You need to hear this.
Here is the link:
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/what-can-you-catch-in-restrooms
Please note the facts...and especially this one:
"To my knowledge, no one has ever acquired an STD on the toilet seat -- unless they were having sex on the toilet seat!" says Abigail Salyers, PhD, president of the American Society for Microbiology (ASM).
Okay, do you get this? When was the last time you were in Walmart and someone was having sex in the next stall? Oh, you mean you've NEVER been in a public restroom where someone was having sex on the toilet seat in the next stall? Really? Wow, you must be going to the same places I'VE been going, because neither have I!!!!! Now, do me another favor and open up another little tab, and go to this link, which is for 'urine' in Wikipedia--the online 'encyclopedia'. Here's the link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine
Please note the following sentence under 'hazards':
"Healthy urine is not toxic.[6] However, it contains compounds eliminated by the body as undesirable, and can be irritating to skin and eyes. After suitable processing it is possible to extract potable water from urine".
Now, I am aware that the caveat here is 'healthy' urine. And I know that everyone who uses a public restroom is not completely 'healthy', but the overwhelming majority are, and I don't know about you, but when I am sick, I am not likely to be out shopping at the Home Depot. Even so, you must remember that your skin is your no. one defense in protecting you against pathogens. Most people don't have cuts and open areas on their butts, but in the off side chance that you do, I'd suggest that you not sit on any toilet seat that has not been sanitized before you do--even in your own home. But barring that, the chances of you contracting anything is very remote. And, if you noticed in the WebMD article, the FAUCETS are generally dirtier than the toilet!!!! So if you are that paranoid, you probably just need to make other arrangements about your toileting in public. Not too long ago I was in a public restroom where things were pretty much a mess. I'd already gone down the line to find a suitable seat and had carefully placed toilet tissue over the seat before sitting. Some other ladies came in and began searching for a clean stall--only to be met with frustration. They were so aggravated and began venting their feelings. Loudly. They decried the 'trash' who did stuff like this, etc. Finally, one of them said loudly,
"ANYBODY WHO CAN'T RING A HOLE THAT BIG NEEDS TO BE WEARING A @#&^%$ DIAPER!!!!!!"
I couldn't have said it better myself.
(f) Finally, it is my observation that 'Complete animals' seldom go out and shop, anyway--since they have their cowed spouses or children to do it for them. They are not going to do anything for themselves that they can possibly coerce someone else to do for them, because, after all, they deserve to be waited on hand and foot, and those who serve them deserve to have to wait on them hand and foot because they don't deserve any better treatment, being the inferior sort, of course.
Real animals, by comparison, adore those who serve them and offer them their undying affection and love in return. They shower their caregivers with adoring looks and a wagging tail at a moment's notice. They will do anything and everything for themselves that they are able to do, and find utter joy in doing it. I really don't know why we refer to the lowest of the low humans as 'beasts' or 'animals'. I far prefer the company of real animals to those types of people, and think it is a complete injustice to real animals to use those terms....but, I digress. You get the picture.
Okay, so is it just me? Or do you agree????
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